Some people will project an image of themselves that is innocent in every way. That same person will hold you to high standards they don’t hold themselves to and manipulate conversations to keep accountability on you and away from themselves. Don’t make excuses for them or give them the benefit of the doubt when they have shown themselves below the standards they hold you to. Keep your eyes open when getting to know people so they can’t deceive you.
Do this to avoid being taken advantage of and become a better person.
Instead of fixing others, problems fix them in yourself. If you see a flaw in someone instead of trying to fix them see if you have some of that flaw in yourself and work on fixing it. Maybe someone will see how well you handle something and be inspired to make that change in themselves.
This is a piece of advice from JulienHimself.
“I know you’re full of snakes and we’ll play anyway.” Jordan Peterson
What a brilliant statement from Jordan Peterson. I was inspired by this statement to make my own, people are made of sugar, spice, and judgment. You can’t escape people but don’t let them fool you and don’t hide from the world, just be careful not to say too much.
The real self-help guru is you.
(Not financial or life advice)
Goggins shared some golden advice on the Joe Rogan podcast #1906 on Dec 6, 2022. Hearing someone be honest and get to the point was refreshing. So many of these self-help gurus give you conservative advice, so it’s hard to say they are wrong and challenge them. The core of what they are saying is legit, but they say it 1,000 different ways. I understand why they do that and they are often right to. The answer to your problems lies in you. They tell you a general approach and it’s up to you to figure out the rest. They say the same thing differently because people aren’t doing what’s necessary.
What I like about Goggins is he goes deeper; he beat his demons through extreme effort because the essential solutions weren’t enough. Goggins explained how his dad gave him his demons they didn’t just go away when he grew up or die with him. It took going into the dark and challenging it for Goggins to free himself, for most of you if you just do the essential things correctly you’ll be ok. There’s no point in watching countless hours of gurus giving advice if you aren’t doing the essential work.
If you come from a dark background that doesn’t mean you have to go to extremes like Goggins did to turn your life around. If you invest $600 monthly at 8% interest in 5 years, you will have $42000 dollars. If you create a plan to re-invent yourself with that $42000 dollars imagine how much you can do especially if you spent 5 years planning. This sounds like a lot, but I read a lot of people’s stories explaining the struggles they go through. This is just an example but if you do the work to overcome where you came from or what happened to you imagine what the results can be. Isn’t creating that future worth a plan?
A lot of life advice can be condensed into one phrase “make good choices.” If you make good choices, you will have fewer unexpected problems and more surprise wins in life. Goggins said many navy seals still have issues because they haven’t handled their s***. He’s right you can’t always build over ruins; sometimes you need to address the soil before laying the foundation on which the building will be created. If you have a lot to unpack to live your best life think about what making good choices during that journey can do.
A foolish man will blame you for taking his foolish advice.
I was listening to a summary of “The Way of Monkey Book” and I thought I’ve experienced this a few times.
This is also relevant I forgot where I first heard it and it’s paraphrased, “people carry their own trash and they will sling it on you and say you stink.”
An Alpha and a Gentleman
I’ve been hearing the word Alpha used incorrectly to explain a high-value man more and more every year. What’s disturbing is how often I hear it used to manipulate men to do what someone else wants. Being an Alpha doesn’t mean you are a good man, or you are supportive of your woman, all it means is a man has proven he is dominant. Being a disagreeable man, an unethical man, or a jerk doesn’t make a man Alpha either.
What I think women are trying to say they want is an Alpha and a Gentleman, that is also not to be confused with a man that’s Alpha at work and Beta to her. To be an Alpha and a Gentleman requires the man to do a lot of work and he can’t be both unless he has a balanced life and is true to himself. Those few men who are both Alpha and Gentleman have done a lot of work to get where they are and they are kind enough to be nice to others when respect is returned to them in kind. They are still men who have feelings and experience challenges/limitations. To be Alpha and have a good heart at the same time they can’t act beta and submissive when it’s convenient to someone else and then turn back into Alpha when it’s also convenient to someone else.
Complex post-traumatic stress disorder
Not medical advice. Therapies that tell the survivor their problem is in the mind and even to take ownership of what happened to them have their place. I believe in taking ownership but that isn’t a cure-all for everyone. I imagine that telling survivors their problem is in their mind brings them shame that was the case with me. I strongly believe in taking ownership of my life so I was wondering why I was still suffering after I did so much right for so long. After reading a book called Complex PTSD: From Survivng to Thriving I discovered my inner critic was, in my opinion, the largest part of my identity. Realizing I coudlnt’ be perfect enough to accept myself I went through some of the exercises to aid in addressing the inner critic and what lead to its development.
My sense of self was broken down and I couldn’t figure out why; now I understand. If you had a tough childhood or were emotionally manipulated over a long period as an adult, this is probably worth bringing up to your psychologist.
Lessons from dogs and dog trainers.
A dog trainer develops communication skills by paying close attention to another species and learning to communicate with it. I have met dog trainers with excellent interpersonal skills and the customers of the dog trainers really appreciate finding the trainer easy to talk to. The trainer in a way is a translater between a person’s dog and the person themselves. The better the dog trainer the better they are able to communicate with the owner and that will make the owner more confident when they are also training their dog. To increase the confidence people have in you learn to communicate what is important to you really well.
You have to be part of your own rescue.
I was talking to a friend looking for ways to improve my interactions with people and told him about the times I tried to save negative people but they just took from me without changing for the better at all and he said they gotta participate in their own rescue. When I asked him if he coined that he told me Corey Wayne says that all the time. I agreed and referred back to another thing The King Ray-Ray said and that is to put a forcefield up between you and negative people. You have to choose very carefully who you spend your time with and be even more careful about who you decide to help.
Some people will take any help you give them and make the most out of it while others will turn it into something negative. If you help someone and they turn it into something positive that’s good for both of you so if you have a giving heart you owe it to yourself to make sure that you aren’t taken advantage of.
What you feed your mind becomes reality.
Recently I asked a man who’s younger than me how he has consistently been able to work 100 hours a week year after year. I wasn’t looking to copy his lifestyle and work 100 hours a week myself but I saw something in him and I wanted to learn from him. I listened to a video he sent me a link to called How I stay Connected to GOD and I was skeptical but I listened because he took the time out of his busy schedule to talk to me. After I watched the video I said to him what you take in affects how you view the world, how you think, and what you like. I realized I had the intention of blocking negative energy my entire life but I always let it in thinking I have enough willpower not to let it affect me.
I realized I was wrong because in a video by The King Ray-Ray he stated he remembers the bad scenes from a horror movie he watched years ago to this day but on the positive side when he watches something funny he might randomly laugh for months afterward. So he chose to only watch positive content now.